MIchael Phelps is the greatest Olympic athlete of all time. When he was interviewed following his eight gold medals in Beijing he said that he and his Coach had placed some big deposits in the account ahead of the games and that they had enabled him to make some big withdrawls. ‘There are only pennies left there right now,’ he said with a grin.
His words came back to me the other day while writing a piece on the work life balance and the fact that, for me, this model does not make much allowance for what one half can give the other.
A good weekend is more than just time away from work, it’s an opportunity to put something in the bank that you can draw on when things get tough. In fact it doesn’t even have to be a whole weekend. Off the top of my head I can think of a few things; the look on a loved ones face when you surprise them with something you know they like.
The sound of the whole family roaring with laughter at a joke that no one else would understand.
An old friend thanking you for asking how they were doing.
Water pistol fights even though the kids think they’re way too cool for that now.
Remembering to call your dad for some advice even though you don’t need it.
A few years back I was going through a tough time at work. I loved my job but was having major difficulties with my line manager making for some very hard and stressful days.
I was also dealing with some serious anger issues at the time and the combination of the two often meant that when I got home my priorities were invariably peace, quiet, a beer and the TV remote.
After one such day my youngest son Nicholas, who was six at the time, came rushing up to me.
‘Dad, dad, we’re doing a project in school on pirates and I need a sword just like Jack Sparrow.’
As I dumped my bags in the hall and shuffled through to the kitchen he proceeded to show me a series of lovingly drawn sketches complete with measurements. He followed me through to the lounge, still talking with great excitement about how we could start right away and that it would be really easy because he had it all worked out.
I was so tired and it would have been so easy to tell him that we could pick this up another time, perhaps at the weekend but as I listened to him still talking excitedly I realised something very important.
I would get another chance to do this with him but I would not get this one back. In putting him off I’d also have eroded just a tiny bit more of the trust and faith he had always had in me. What’s more I realised I wasn’t so old and burnt out that I’d forgotten how tremendously important this sort of thing is when you’re six.
‘Ok mate,’ I said with a big sigh, ‘Let’s get to work.’ The resulting sword, fashioned from some scrap aluminium pipe and sheeting was, if I say so myself, pretty damn good. While we worked we talked about Ned Teach, aka Blackbeard, about the significance of the Jolly Roger and the fact that there is probably still pirate gold buried all over the Caribbean.
Nicholas was thrilled to bits with the sword but for me it represented a deposit in the bank and unlike all the hours Michael Phelps spent in the pool I could make withdrawls on this one time and again.
It was also a reminder that in terms of quality time with our loved ones it’s how we show up, not necessarily how long for. It was a reminder that the trust and love of people closest to us is something we need to constantly maintain not least of all because we’re going to need it where we’re going. It was a reminder that I was still quite a good dad.
I could take the memory of the two of us sawing and hammering back to work with me and it would make me feel happy whenever I thought about it. It still does.
What is it you feel the most acute need for when the going gets tough?
What deposits would you put in your account?
What can you do about it when you get home tonight?
